Saint-Jean-de-Trézy, France
No less than the mafia philosopher Tony Soprano once said, “‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.” Tony said this to Paulie Walnuts when the latter was driving him crazy with constant reminiscences at the expense of any other topic of conversation.
Tony’s sentiments are true, at least some of the time. Living in and talking largely about the past can be problematic. It can stunt growth, intellectually and emotionally. Then again, who are any of us to criticize being nostalgic and enjoying shared memories with family and friends? It’s the stuff of life. Go for it.
The key, of course, is to continue to make new memories. I suspect we age more rapidly in psychological terms if we decide to stop being forward-looking and cease creating new memories. Moderating talking about the past and how and when we do so would seem to be central to maintaining a positive growth mindset.
“Why does nostalgia exist and how helpful is it,” a listener asked Dr. Angela Duckworth on her recent “No Stupid Questions” podcast. Research shows that nostalgia can serve as a coping mechanism, momentarily returning us to happier and safer places at times when we need it most. Dealing with homesickness comes to mind, for example. Nostalgia is also a tool for savoring sweet memories and pleasantly reliving them even without any trauma, stress, or need to cope.
Duckworth says that the American Psychological Association defines nostalgia as a “longing to return to an earlier period or condition of life recalled as being better than the present in some way.” That’s actually sad and certainly bittersweet, often because the past can take on an artificial veneer of being better when, in reality, things might have been worse.
Duckworth says research shows that, on balance, nostalgia can make us feel better. The catch is, however, that those good feelings are temporary since the past is not the present. The past is not our current reality, which can then also feel like a loss.
The past can be a wonderful place, especially when seen through the gauzy, rose-colored lenses of our youth. On the other hand, we need to fight getting lost in the past and focusing too much of our conversation on Paulie Walnut’s reminiscences. It’s boring and repetitive. Like so many things in life, it’s a constant balancing act.
Enjoy the nostalgia. You’ve earned it. But use it as motivation to create new memories, too. After all, if we are unable to imagine the future, we’ll just keep returning to the past.
Image courtesy of Storiicare.com