Rockport, MA -
I have a complaint. Too many people spend too much time
complaining.
It’s human nature to complain, I guess. If so, it's human responsibility to limit the complaining. Sometimes, of course, complaints are warranted. Some people just seem more prone to complaining, however, whether for emotional, neurological, or physical reasons. We all know
people who will always find the negative. I don’t know too many of them, thankfully, since it’s healthy to reduce their presence in our lives.
The truth is that there is always something about which
to complain, especially if you’re on constant lookout for the next slight,
misstep, or reason to be negative. It's an unending, target-rich environment. Ever read restaurant comments left by diners? Yes, no doubt, some establishments deserve critical commentary. It's sometimes quite justified. On the other hand, I regularly read comments about otherwise excellent eateries with talented, hardworking staff who are condemned because, well, the diners showed up 45 minutes late, did not call ahead and their reservation was cancelled, parking was difficult, the meal was deemed too expensive, or they were just having a bad day. We've all seen rude, entitled diners who are abusive to staff, rightly get called out for it, and then undoubtedly use their review to get even. They are the Luka Dončić's of the dining world.
As with most aspects of emotional intelligence, monitoring the proclivity for complaining and reducing the frequency and depth of it
requires self-awareness. It takes intentionality and presence of mind to
observe how such negativity affects you and everyone else. By understanding the
downside of constant complaining and adjusting accordingly, your rare
complaints will actually take on meaning. People might just pay attention
to them.
My friend Dr. Ken Harmon of Kennesaw State University
recently shared an article by the psychologist, Dr. Travis Bradberry. Ken has developed expertise in the ever-elusive subject of happiness, both getting it and keeping it. In an article entitled "How Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity," Bradberry writes on his TalentSmartEQ blog that complaining can rewire the brain in ways that
make it easier to, yes, complain even more. “Over time, you find it’s easier to
be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you," he wrote. "Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive
you.” Just ask your favorite angry political crank and conspiracist. Bradberry adds, “Complaining damages other areas of your
brain as well. Research from Stanford shows that complaining shrinks the hippocampus. Damage
to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it’s one of the
primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s."
Beyond brain dysfunction, Bradberry says that, “Complaining
triggers your body to release cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol shifts you
into fight-or-flight mode.” … “One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise
your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape
or defend yourself.” This helps us understand why some complainers like to pick
fights in a self-created stew of victimization, which gives them even
more about which to complain. Continuing on the toll complaining takes on people
physically, Bradberry adds, “Excess cortisol from frequent complaining weakens
your immune system, raising the risk of various illnesses. It even makes you
more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. The
brain is also more vulnerable to strokes.” Okay, then.
So if you can’t stop complaining for the good of others,
please do so for your own good. How to go about that? In general, let's start with a determination to develop and sustain a positive growth mindset, cultivating the joy, curiosity, and resilience that come with it. It's hard work, but it's completely doable. Bradberry suggests, and Ken Harmon reminds us, to cultivate in Bradberry's words "an attitude of gratitude. That is, when you feel like complaining, shift your attention to something you're grateful for." Bradberry adds that pairing a legitimate complaint with a suggested solution is far more appetizing than just spouting negativity. Most of all, however, just build your own pause button and know when to hit it. You'll be doing yourself as well as your family, friends, and colleagues a huge favor.
Thanks, Ken, for sharing this wisdom.
Image courtesy of Medium.